Where’s The Beef?

7/11 Taquitos are Barely Food and Not Worth Tasting

If ever there was a convenience store that epitomized convenience stores, it is my local 7-Eleven, located on Elmwood Road near St. Isaac’s Church. When you walk in, you are immediately greeted with the same aesthetic as an airport bathroom: a clean smell, but one accompanied by a back wall lined in slightly off-white linoleum tile and a floor perpetually covered in a thin sheet of dirt. On this particular visit, I noticed a partially flattened can of Monster energy drink sitting at the edge of one of the shelves that I had assumed was garbage, but was later informed that it, like the rest of the assorted groceries cluttered uncomfortably close together on the shelves, was actually product meant for purchase. There were also display cases lining the front of some of the aisles filled with colorful advertisements and assorted foods that looked almost suspiciously plastic.

But these were not the reasons I came to that store with some friends on one recent Sunday afternoon. No, I came in on a mission to try and review some the establishment’s famed taquitos, which my friends, and one in particular, had been raving about for quite some time. The taquitos come in three varieties: taco and cheese, buffalo chicken, and monterey jack chicken. With some help from the friendly customer service staffmember at the register, we were given seven taquitos for the price of four, a real bargain, if the taquitos proved to be edible, for a grand total of under five dollars.

I tried one of each of the varieties, starting with taco and cheese. Immediately upon opening the box, I noticed that the tortilla, much like it ended up being with the other two taquitos, was exactly one shade too light or too dark to be certain that it was a real flour tortilla. In the case of the taco and cheese flavor the tortilla was a pale white color, but at least it smelled decent. When I bit into the taquito, I noticed that the beef, which was an extremely dark brown, was similarly at least one shade too dark to possibly be entirely from a cow, and the cheese, nearly orange and texturally resembling a more liquid than one would expect, also appeared improperly colored. The taste was comparable to that of a standard cafeteria lunch at Cherokee, which is to say, vaguely not bad tasting, but with also no specifically delicious taste to make it worth overpaying for. More of the same came from the other two varieties, which both featured dark orange tortillas, chicken that suspiciously came shaped like perfect cubes, and the same bland, cafeteria taste.

Overall, I suppose if you only have a dollar in your pocket, you’re hungry, and there are no other restaurants within walking distance, 7-Eleven taquitos technically qualify as edible. However, if you have more money, are not hungry or can wait to be fed, and haven’t lost a bet, you can probably do better. If you do find yourself forced to, I personally recommend the taco and cheese of the three, and encourage you to at least look forward to fast and friendly customer service.

1.5/5 Feathers